Mix Ups

I mix up my words a lot.  I don’t have visual dyslexia, so maybe I have verbal dyslexia.  I also think I have telephone-dialing dyslexia. 

I’m not patient enough to create an address book in the three phones I use on a daily basis (home phone, cell phone, work phone).  I still (amazingly) know some phone numbers by heart – not many, mind you.  Email and phone address books are limiting our ability to exercise our memories, don’t you think?  (Memory – you know, that thing I can’t remember where I left it last). 

And, then, there’s the phone numbers I have to dial because someone left me a voicemail, speaking at the speed of light, and I’m just guessing what they said.  I forgive myself for misdialing those numbers.  I want terribly to dial correctly on those returned phone calls, because I want to tell the caller how irritating it is to have to listen to their voicemail five times to figure out what they were saying.  You know this one, right?  Why can’t people just speak slowly when reciting their name and phone number on a voicemail?  Maybe they don’t really want me to call back.  There’s a thought.  I’m done with those callers.

I’m always surprised when I dial one of those phone numbers I memorized a long time ago, and some stranger answers.  I don’t let it go at, “Sorry, I must have dialed wrong.”  I actually say, “This is the number I think I dialed (then I tell the agitated listener the number, even if they don’t speak English), and sometimes they just hang up.  Other times they are kind enough to hear my hopeful plea for a reality check, and they’ll say something like, “No, you inverted a couple of numbers.” 

Weird, but there’s some relief in knowing I mixed up my dialing.  Much better than having the listener hang up on me.  What’s 30 more seconds, for godsake?  Help me here, misdialed recipient!

Where did that expression come from – I know it by heart – ?  Isn’t there supposed to be some distinction between the heart and the mind?  If I said – I know it by memory – it would mean the same thing, right?  Then, why by heart?  I think I’m mixing up my message here, but that’s how my mind works.

Back to mixing up my words.  When I hear myself say, “Thanks you” I freak out.  God, did they notice I can no longer say something as simple as “Thank you”?  What about when I say, “I mumber when that happened”?  I know there’s no such word (in English, anyway) as mumber, AND I’m not mumbling.  I just forget the word remember,  and it comes out “mumber”.  Humiliating, especially when my listener repeats my faux pas, and asks if I know I said it that way.  No, I didn’t hear it that way when I said it.  But, when I hear it repeated, I clearly hear what I said, and no, I can’t tell you or anyone, why.  I just know I’m mixing up my words.

I read a lot of books.  Maybe I’ve read too many books.  I read in a couple of other languages on occasion, just for the brain exercise, and maybe that’s not actually helping.  I always thought it would.  (Is “mumber” a word in another language?)

I have a long list of reasons why this word exchange thing might be happening.  (Most of my examples are much more obvious than those above, but I can’t remember them right now.)  None of the reasons are comforting.  All of them make sense.  I have no medical reasons for this condition (I’ve checked).  The list is disturbing, though, and I keep mixing up the words I use to describe them.  So, I won’t humiliate myself here, in front of all 6 of you, by sharing the list.  I’m sure you have your own ideas about the reasons that accompany those bullet points. 

How long is the list?  Let’s see.  How much time do you have? 

My shrink has some ideas about why this is happening.  But, I wonder how relevant they are, given that he does the same thing.  The other day, he actually said “Holy Elk” when I think he meant “Holy Cow” but given that he was trained by a Native American shaman, perhaps he was on a miniature mental vision quest during my rambling.  I wondered if he just checked out momentarily because maybe, okay hopefully, I’m a boring subject compared to his other clients. 

I don’t care how boring I am when I’m in his office.  He lets me run into overtime without charging me.  And, in this game, there’s no winning by running into overtime.  Just more opportunities to mix up my words. 

Your thoughts?

p.s.  Hey, if you know that “mumber” is actually an English word, will you let me know?  Those other languages?  That might help, too.